I read an interesting article the other day in a mommy blog I love and respect (and that I’ve written for in the past).
The piece was smart, funny and honest. It talked about how co-parenting isn’t always as “positive” an experience for some as it is for others and that is “ok” to not do it.
Hmmm, is it really “okay” not to co-parent?
Is it really “okay” to not get along with your ex, the father or mother of your children?
Do I agree with this statement….
YES. I. DO.
I had to read it a couple of times and let it sink in. I mean, the truth hurts after all….
But then, I agreed with the writer wholeheartedly. (She’s pretty savvy, Y’all.) And I happen to think she is spot-fucking-on.
Some of us are just not able to co-parent positively and that is the end of it. Period. There is no other way to say it! Some of us don’t give a rat’s patootie if we stay BFF’s with our ex. Talking to them about the kids’ schedules is about all we can handle…The thought of any other bullshit-small-talk makes our skin crawl!
And guess, what? I totally get it. I do!
Even though I like my ex-husband, many, many people can’t even stand the sight of theirs! And I respect that–no judgment here.
Sure, I think it’s probably a good thing if you can be kind and respectful in front of the kiddos but if it’s all you can do not to spit in his face…text, call, or send him an email. Minimize the amount of face-to-face interaction necessary to keep the peace.
Co-Parenting is much easier if you parted ways amicably for sure. But if you can barely draw breath in the same space…it’s not going to be easy at all. I can understand and support your choice not to do it.
In my opinion, it’s probably best if you don’t! The kids will be better off if you stay in your corners and just talk when necessary. After all, we are all human.
People have resentments, there is anger, and not everyone can just forgive and move on.
Co-parenting is difficult and takes BOTH sides to make it happen. I got lucky with my ex, for sure. We are good friends and choose to work together to raise our kids separately. It was never an option not to co-parent.
But it was a choice.
And is it hard some days? Yes! In fact, I know some days, I wish I didn’t have to deal with his shit. And lucky for me, I don’t! I remind myself that I am NOT married to him and I can ignore a text or call that might aggravate me. I can breathe and take the time I need to get back to him. (Or, I can bitch and moan to my boyfriend. Ha.)
But I never complain to my kids or even in front of them. That totally unacceptable under any divorced parenting circumstance. Co-parenting or not, bad-mouthing your ex is not allowed ever…to or in front of those kids. After all, your ex is a part of them, capiche?
So, is Co-parenting for everyone? Nope. But being good parents is. Let’s just do our best no matter how we choose to parent and remember those kiddos never asked for any of this shit in the first place.