Jun 17, 2019

Should You Sleep With Them on the First Date?

Should you sleep with somebody on the first date? Jennifer Hurvitz explores this very common question troubling every person who’s just getting to know somebody and going out with them for the first time. Learn why she thinks that it’s okay and why you need to have a certain mindset and understanding if you are willing to put out on the first date, emphasizing the importance of owning what you’re doing and knowing your own truth and being authentic. She also shares her thoughts on passing judgment, and shares peace, love, and truth and her cool new merchandise dedicated to the Isabella Santos Foundation.

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Listen to the podcast here:

Should You Sleep With Them On The First Date?

I’m solo in the studio, just me, all alone by myself. I sometimes do solo episodes because I find a topic that is completely okay for me to talk about myself. I don’t need a guest and I don’t want to guest. I want to rant, talk and be by myself so it’s just me. First, let’s talk about a little business. First of all, I want to say thank you. Thank you to everybody for reading. Thank you for being here. Thank you for always coming back. It’s been the craziest 50 episodes. It’s been fun and crazy overwhelming. I can’t believe I’m almost at 25,000 downloads already. It’s insane. Maybe I would start by reading a couple of the reviews that I have on iTunes and I thought this was cool. I have 41 readings and I didn’t even realize I had them. I’d read a couple that was cool.

First Date Sex: Some men and women who put out on the first date may not call you again because they just don’t think that highly of you.

Here’s the one that is neat. It says, “It’s entertaining education. This podcast helped answer some scary questions and concerns I had about my impending divorce. I only wish the host would make it less about herself and let the guests speak more. I highly recommend it to everyone.” There’s no guest on this podcast so I don’t have to let the guest speak more, but I thought that was a good review. I appreciated it a lot because it’s the only negative review I ever got. I don’t think it’s negative. It’s constructive. I need constructive criticism because everybody needs help. I’m new at podcasting and it’s important that people tell me what they think and I appreciate it. Since I’ve read that, I’ve been a lot better in letting the guests talk more about themselves.

It’s important because my guests have a lot of good information so I want them to share it. Here’s another one that I liked. “Jennifer tackles this tough and extremely relevant topic in a way that is fun, informative and approachable. I recommend this for anyone dealing with a divorce or anyone who just wants to tune in to a great show that is well done from start to finish.” How great is that? That’s super nice and I appreciated that one. Here’s another good one. “Not only does Jen do divorce right, but she’s super funny and real. Her guests are always awesome and insightful. Her topics are always relevant to anyone in a relationship. I never miss an episode.” It’s awesome. Thank you to everybody who rates and writes reviews because that’s super cool.If your chemistry is crazy and you feel like having sex on the first date, own it but be safe about it. Click To Tweet

I thought I’d start by doing that. I don’t know that that was neat. Thank you and keep doing it, keep reading and all that good stuff. That’s the first little bit of business that I want to share. The second bit of business is I got some great news. I know every time that I end a podcast, I say three words: peace, love and truth, which are important. Peace because everybody should be peaceful. Peace is important. Love each other, love yourself, self-care and self-love. Truth is important to me. I feel like you need to be truthful to others and truthful to yourself. Truth is important. I’ve decided to make hats, t-shirts and tank tops that say peace, love and truth with the super cool up-to-date logo that is neat. I’ll be having those on sale on my website, JenniferHurvitz.com and also on Facebook and Instagram. I’ve decided that I’d like to give back to the community here in Charlotte and around the country. It’s important to give back and do something philanthropic.

I have decided to give 10% of the proceeds from my t-shirts and my swag to a foundation. I was thinking of one that would be important to me. I did a lot of thinking and I decided to choose the Isabella Santos Foundation. It was an easy choice for me. I have a dear close friend who’s close to me and her daughter, thank God is okay, but she had a rare form of cancer when she was younger. Isabella Santos Foundation is a pediatric foundation for pediatric cancer kids that has rare forms of cancer. Erin Santos, who’s an amazing woman, is a mom who started this foundation after her daughter, Isabella, did not survive her fight with cancer. It makes me sad.

First Date Sex: Sex on the first date can simply mean two people attracted to one another. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be more than that.

I’ve decided to give 10% of the proceeds to the Isabella Santos Foundation here in Charlotte and I’m happy about that. It warms my heart and makes me feel good. The coolest thing also, which is fun, is that my boys, Zach more than Jonah, is going to be my project manager. They’ve helped me do the logo and they helped me pick out the hats, the cool t-shirts and the design. They helped me with all that good stuff. They’re going to help me with the website and sending you all your products. We picked out a sticker to go on the hat brim. I’m super excited about this whole process and endeavor. I hope that you guys will think it’s cool too and that everyone will buy their swag. I’m doing my public speaking around the country and I’ll have some cool stuff to give away. It’s cool so that’s that. You can find your swag, your peace, love and truth Jennifer Hurvitz swag anywhere that you find me, but mostly on JenniferHurvitz.com, Facebook and Instagram.

I’ve got the swag and I’ve got the Isabella Santos Foundation. By the way, if you don’t buy a shirt or hat, that’s okay. You can still give to this amazing foundation. They can use all the money that they can get to fight cancer, find research and make children’s dreams come true when they’re fighting cancer. Moving on, the next thing is reviews. If you guys feel like reviewing or rating, either my podcast or my book, I don’t know if you guys realize how important reviews and ratings are to us, podcasters, authors and writers out there. They’re important and they mean the world to us. I can’t thank you enough for doing it. For those of you who have taken the time to review and rate the podcast or my book, Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda. up on Amazon, I love you. Thank you and please keep doing it. Any author that you know, if you want to review their book, rate it or give it a shout-out, you have no idea that it means the world to them. Also, you can buy it, but doing that is a good thing. Rate, review, recommend it and share it. You can share stuff on Facebook.If you treat sex as just a good time and you don't have expectations, you're not going to get hurt. Click To Tweet

I’ve got all the business out of the way and I’m going to tell you my topic for this podcast. It’s a good one and this is what happens. I decided to mush together my pages on Facebook, trying to make my public profile, my business profile and my personal profile on Facebook. I’m trying to make it one profile and make it easier for everybody to find me, Jennifer Hurvitz Biz. I started asking questions on Facebook, on my business page, relationship type of questions. I put a question up on Facebook and it has gone berserk crazy. For me, 100 comments is a lot. About 1,000 people have looked at it and I asked my Facebook audience, “Is it okay to have sex on the first date?” I started off the day by saying simply that it’s okay to have sex on the first date as long as you know that some men, women if you’re going to put out on the first date, they may not call you again because they don’t think that highly of you. It’s such a double standard because if men have sex on the first date, we don’t care.

I get all these crazy comments and here’s the thing about it. I have no problem if your chemistry is crazy and you feel like having sex on the first date. Women, own it, do it, rock it out and have sex on the first date, but be safe about it. Know what the consequences are such that it may not turn into anything. Whatever his moral values are, he may think that you’re not worth taking out a second date. If he does, that’s his problem. I also know, looking at my Facebook wall, that there are lots of people that think that it’s absolutely fine. People have gotten married to the people they’ve had sex with on a first date.

One Happy Divorce: Hold the Bulls#!t

Here are some comments. “It depends on how long you have known each other before the first formal date.” Someone said that. Let’s say that you’ve been talking on Facebook or you met on Match and you talked for a few weeks. You’ve got to know each other on Match and you went on the first date. It was hot, heavy and you had sex. That’s different than just meeting at a bar and then having sex, maybe that’s what he means. He said that you’ve known and liked each other for a while and one of you finally takes the chance to take things to the next level by asking each other out. I get it.

Someone else said this, “I don’t understand when a woman says, ‘She never has sex in the first date,’ and has some arbitrary number of dates before she will have sex, like ‘Sex can be on the third date.’” Is there a difference between date one, date four or day five? The reality is it is 100% about chemistry. This is what someone wrote. “If you are honest and deliberate with your intentions and don’t treat your potential partner like they are cheap, it can be super fun. It’s only sex and it’s not some life-altering event unless you get AIDS and please don’t get AIDS.” I loved that. That was a great comment and that guy is right. Sex is sex and if you treat it just like a good time and you don’t have expectations, I don’t think you’re going to get hurt.

Here’s another comment. This is from a guy. “I say yes, have sex on the first date, but I’m a guy. I hear many women tie self-worth to sex. Can someone help me see how a first date ‘culinary indulgence’ is clearly less healthy than sex and it’s okay, but a first date sexual indulgence is damaging?” Meaning that they can eat something indulgent, but they can’t have sex like a big piece of chocolate cake. Another guy wrote, “Jennifer Hurvitz, I know a lot of people who are still together after sex on the first date. Two of my friends are still married to people they slept with on a first date. It’s not always a future killer.” I love this.You should do what you want to do and own it. Have your truth, feel your truth, and be authentic about how you're feeling. Click To Tweet

How about this one? This is from a girl. A woman said, “I laughed my ass off. Maybe she will never call him again.” The tables are turned. “I say as an adult that if you want to do it, do it. Be safe. I don’t care what people think of what it means. It just means two people were attracted to one another. Why don’t you have sex? Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be more than that.” I agree with that. “This was one of my favorite lines of all, here’s my motto, ‘Never sleep with the good ones on a first date.’” I loved that. I’m going to use that from now on. This is good stuff. I’ll be honest with you. It’s a fine line and I agree. Someone else said that they agreed with me.

This person said, “Honestly, I say no. However, it was the situation with my current boyfriend. For some reason, it felt okay to do it at that time. He texted me when I got home that night and we’d been together ever since,” but she said no. She said she would not have sex on the first date, but she did with her boyfriend. They’d been together for 1.5 years, so she has no concrete answer. This has been fun. This Facebook wall thing and the talking about sex on a first date has been super fun. It is what it is. You just do what feels right and you have no expectations. I don’t think people should judge each other. That’s my big thing here. Judgment is a crazy thing that when you judge each other, it gets nasty and it gets mean. I don’t think you should pass judgment. You should do what you want to do, own it, have your truth and feel your truth, and be authentic about how you’re feeling, maybe have a conversation, too.

woulda. coulda. shoulda.: A divorce coach’s guide to staying married

Maybe you say it before dinner comes to the table or if you’re feeling it and you want to talk about it. “I like you. I’m attracted to you and we’re going to have sex tonight. If you don’t call me, I’m going to be hurt.” Pass the salt. “I’m going to be hurt if you don’t call me. I’m not going to have sex with you if you don’t call me.” Who knows? He doesn’t call you and do you know why? He wasn’t the guy for you. If you have sex on the first date and the guy doesn’t call you the next day, what a schmuck. He’s not the guy for you, girls. Do you want to be with the guy who doesn’t call you after you have sex? Screw him. That’s what I have to say and vice versa. Guys, if you are going to be that guy where you have sex with the girl on the first date and you don’t call her, what does that say about you? That’s a big F for me.

Girls, if you want to have sex with someone on the first date and you don’t want to call him, maybe that’s not nice for you to do either. Maybe you don’t have sex with a guy on the first date if you don’t like him. Unless you just want to have sex and then you tell him, “I’m going to use you. This whole thing is a mess. It’s how I feel. Have I had sex on a first date? Absolutely. Raise your hand. Has anyone not had sex on the first date? Raise your hand if you’ve never had sex on a first date. I want you to call me because you’re lying. Everyone in the world has probably had sex on a first date in their lifetime. We should pull that. Who wants to pull it? Be careful, everybody. Be careful of what you’re doing. That’s all I have to say.

That’s my rant about having sex on a first date and that’s how I feel. I’m sticking to it and that’s it. That’s my little Facebook page rant and this is Doing Divorce Right podcast. I’ve had a great time. This has been fun, my solo episode. Once again, my swag is coming soon, my peace, love and truth swag and I’m thrilled about it. You can find me on www.JenniferHurvitz.com. The name of my book that’s out right now is Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda.: A Divorce Coach’s Guide to Staying Married. You can find it on Amazon. You can find it at any bookstore you walk into. If they don’t have it, you can order it and have it delivered right to your house. Thank you for reading always. Please rate, recommend share and review. Peace, love and as always, truth.