Ahhhh, it’s that time of year again…
Busy shoppers fill the stores.
During the holidays, yards are filled with inflatable Santas, snow globes, and other oversized holiday decorations. Kids are busy writing their wish lists, while parents are pressured to fulfill every item. The holiday season can be pretty hectic, stressful, and, at times, overwhelming. It's that time of year when even the simplest tasks can make us lose our cool. Have you ever been to Target on a Sunday before Christmas? It's a madhouse! Even the most composed women have been known to have a meltdown in aisle three. (Yep, that includes me).
If you're lucky to have a partner to help ease the stress, that's great! It's always nice to share the burden of this time of year with your significant other. Marriage comes in handy for that!
But what if you are divorced?
Can you imagine handling an entire holiday on your own? Can you even think about being alone on Thanksgiving or Christmas morning or not having your kids with you on the first night of Hanukkah? How about knowing a YEAR in advance that you will not be with your child for the upcoming Christmas Eve…a family tradition you’ve spent together for the last 12 years? Will New Year's Eve be spent with his side this year, not yours?
Ugh. I’m tearing up, Y’all.
I've been divorced for almost 11 years, and it never gets easier.
Never.
Being single around the holidays can be one of the hardest things to handle. (I know, we asked for it. Well, some of us did. Others, not so much.) Some never asked to be cheated on or left for another person. They never expected to be eating dinner alone on Christmas Eve at The Golden Phoenix. Yikes. There is nothing fun about divorce, people.
Not. One. Thing.
But with that said, I have a few helpful hints for Happier Holidays post-divorce that might be beneficial and help you get through this time of year. Even though it's never easy, it can be better….ISH.
Be Prepared.
Okay, this sounds silly, but it's an excellent tip! Prepare yourself for what's coming, friends. If you know, you're not going to have your kiddos on Christmas this year because you chose to do alternating years for a holiday--plan and prepare! Make plans for YOU. Plan a trip to Europe with other divorced peeps, save all year, and go! Take a yoga class or serve dinner to people without housing. (BONUS: This will also make you feel good) Or better yet, start a new project like wallpapering your powder room or learn how to play the guitar.
You will be unhappy and lonesome and must prepare for the holidays post-divorce. Or plan to spend the holiday with your family and friends to celebrate. I spent one year in Maui with my entire family when my boys were with my ex. Did I miss them? Hell yes! Will you miss the kids? Of course! Butt you'll miss them much less on a beach in Maui! Make sure you are taking care of your heart this holiday season.
Be Flexible.
Plans (and custody arrangements) can be flexible if you and your ex are agreeable and amicable. Listen, rules for co-parenting can be broken. There is nothing wrong with celebrating a holiday together if the kids agree. I'm not saying you move in for the weekend, but who's to say you can't go over for Christmas dinner and leave after? Your kids would love it; it shows them you can act like grown-ups, too. And if you have alternating years for holidays, there is no reason you can't change it to splitting the DAY instead. Try sharing Christmas, where one of you takes Christmas Eve and the other takes Christmas Day. Hanukkah has eight crazy nights! You take 4, your ex four. Get it? Kids deserve to see both parents every year. Please do your best to make it happen!
Be Unique.
Look, you will miss the familiar traditions you had as a family. (Trust me, I get it.) But it's your job to make new ones. Instead of having Christmas in matching jammies, making hot chocolate, and opening gifts, it's time to change it up. Try doing something off-the-wall and entirely whacky! I took my kids to look at Christmas lights one year (we are Jewish) to create our traditions. And I got a little tree and adorned it with blue and silver balls and a Star of David as the topper. They loved it, and I was thrilled. It wasn't to spite my Wasband; I wanted something distinct and unique in OUR house. They loved it and have since outgrown it (20 & 22), but I loved seeing them smile.
Be Helpful.
You must buy gifts if you have young children who need help to drive or afford gifts. Or, take them to pick them out; either way, your child must have something to give your ex on all holidays—even birthdays! Help them make a picture frame out of popsicle sticks, or grab a gift card and pop it in a mug. Anything is better than nothing, and your ex will appreciate it, too.
Be Easy on Yourself.
Give yourself some grace. Get that one thing (or three) you have been craving all year. (or month) and enjoy it. Open a great bottle of wine and indulge. Look at this as a "glass full" opportunity-- You get a chance to BE ALONE! Don’t think of it as unfavorable; flip it into a positive. You. Are. Alone. Wine and good food…maybe a nice bath. I bet there’s not a married woman reading this who doesn’t wish she could have one Christmas Eve to herself. Just once. Enjoy!
Divorce is tough, no matter the season. But hey, guess what? You've got this! While the holiday season can add an extra sprinkle of challenge, remember that you're a rockstar! Sending you all the positive vibes for a joyful and healthy celebration, because you deserve it!
Peace, love, and truth.
Xo jennifer
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